What doesn’t kill us

I nearly died.

It all started when I woke up one morning with a tiny bug bite. And it almost ended for me nearly three weeks later on the floor of my bathroom and all of the stuff in the middle can be summed up by one word: chaos.

Somewhere along the way an urgent care doctor, fearing that an out of control spider bite had become a MRSA infection, prescribed me a sulfa based antibiotic and sulfa based cream (on top of the antibiotic I was already taking). And guess what? Like a whole shit ton of other people in the world, I am allergic to sulfa.

After 4 days I developed a high fever, and by high I mean 104. I saw a different urgent care doctor who said that I had a virus OR a UTI (which made no sense since the antibiotic I was taking is most commonly prescribed for the treatment of UTIs) – so cool..they went with I had a virus. I should continue the antibiotics I was on and just take tylenol till I’m over the virus. Oh and drink fluids.

I was sent off on my way, only to experience violent chills and roller coaster temperatures. 3 days later I woke up with a rash ALL OVER MY BODY. Back to urgent care I went. The doctors just kinda looked at me crazy. “It can’t be the sulfa” they said, since at this point I’d been taking it for 6 days. They gave me a benadryl shot and the rude ass rash laughed. So they gave me a steroid shot. It calmed things down for a second so they took me off the sulfa “just in case” and sent me home with more steroids. It was gonna get better they assured.

That night I got 1 hour of sleep. The next day I was even more sick, still had a fever and MISSED Bey and Jay Z at the Rose Bowl, a concert that I had waited ALL summer (ALL MY LIFE) to see.

At this point I had a high fever, a rash ALL over my body, I’m on a high dose of steroids, i’ve had no sleep AND I’m depressed. Great. It can’t get worse than this right???

WRONG!

After another night of tossing and turning and NO sleep I get out of the bed to use the bathroom and lose all control of my limbs. It was a slow motion decent. One minute I was washing my hands and the next minute I was catching my body with my face against the bathroom floor. There is this weird moment when you fall where you think to yourself “oh shit I’m on the floorrrr. I should get up!” – well I’m here to tell you don’t listen to that bitch. You can’t get up.

I fell AGAIN. I couldn’t scream and my love didn’t hear either of those tumbles. So, I made a third attempt. This time I fell out of the bathroom, hit a fan, army crawled to the sofa. Blah.

I ended up back in urgent care on the side of the facility that just looks like the ER. My doctor said some stuff about having a severe dermatological emergency and calling an infectious disease doctor.(At this point I was convinced I was dying for sure) There were bags of fluids. LOTS of tubes of blood. An ultrasound. Finally they say it’s definitely the sulfa.

2 days later the fever finally broke. One day after that the rash disappeared.

And now… the pain has set in. The excruciating joint pain. The pain in my torso that feels like my organs are trying to get out of my body. The headache. I feel fatigued from being alive.

I’m just happy that my liver wasn’t damaged, that my kidney’s didn’t fail, and that my lungs were never impacted.

I have no idea how long I will be in pain. But, I know that being alive means something so different for me today than it did 3 weeks ago. More on that later. I still have doctors appointments to go to, I have life to try and restart.