I’m changing. I can feel my skin getting tight and ready to shed like a snake. My amazing girlfriend tells me that I look like myself, not like the sad shell of a person that she first met. I look like the person she knew was inside.
My growth is not always easy..on me or those around me. My happiness veiled in a thin layer of residual sadness that I have to wake up every morning and decide to break through. It’s hard to find yourself when someone almost runs off with ALL your stuff. When I wasn’t paying attention…I almost lost all of me.
Ever morning now I wake up and realize that I’m me, again. That I am not pretending to be someone else to keep down confusion. Reminding myself that I don’t have to be chaos on the inside and cool on the outside… I can just be me.
I can wear a smile. I can be friends with who I want to. I can go and do what I like. I can identify how I want. I can be genderqueer and sometimes wear dresses…and sometimes line my lids in dark colors and glitter. I can love, and I can admit that my relationship isn’t perfect but we are in love and constantly working on it..and on ourselves. I can scream at the top of my lungs that I am happy and mean it..or that I am sad and not fear that I will be told that my sadness is inconvenient.
I am me. I am a body full of emotions and thoughts and opinions and love. I am a heart full of memories and questions and faith in myself.
I believe in me. In the love I possess and the greatness I can achieve.