I’m emotional and I can’t let go

I’m realizing that the hardest things to change about myself are the things I let happen to me while I wasn’t paying attention..

I’ve been working hard for months to change my diet and exercise. For two months straight and even while on vacation I was working out 5 days a week and eating progressively better. I’d lost 10.5 inches all over, I was happier, healthier, my problem skin and chronic aches and pains had begin to disappear.

Then I kinda hit a wall. I realized that while I had successfully convinced myself that working out was my stress relief and  took me away from whatever I was worrying about.. It in fact was not. After those two months I realized that not drinking coffee was too hard.. I wasn’t sleeping well, staying up late multiple nights in a row every week was catching up with me. Not drinking was ok until I had to deal with several social situations where EVERYONE was drinking and the drinks were soooo good. Not eating bread, sugar, fried foods was awesome until I was tired and sad or stressed and I just needed 1 good thing in my life and a shake from Fatburger or chili cheese fries from Tommy’s was perfect.

For me food is always a way to have something good in life no matter what is going wrong.. Good food won’t fail me… Not the way people or the government or society or I fail me.. Bacon donuts from The Nickel will always have my back.

But now.. My body doesn’t feel so good when I eat these things. What gives me momentary highs.. Or what gives me a string of highs that I build with every meal now leads to a face full of acne, and bloating and dry skin and headaches and a bunch of other blahness I’m gonna keep to myself.

Now, I can’t go back to living in pain with an ever growing waistline… but I don’t know how to cope with life without eating it all away. (not over eating..I don’t stuff myself…I just tend to find all of the most delicious high calorie foods there are.)

Emotional eating is HARD y’all.  So if you see me looking grumpy or sad..just know it’s because I’m fighting the urge to eat a cupcake. Or have a venti latte. Or pasta in a rich cream sauce and a glass of wine..or a bottle of wine. Grr.

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