I need to whine a little. It’s my I’m gonna give myself that space. K?

Sometimes I feel new to LA, like I haven’t lived here almost 3 years. While I’ve mastered navigating the roads and public transportation in this city I’m still clueless on what friendships are suppose to look like here. 

Here I don’t have the safety of friendships built on 20+ years of living in the same neighborhoods and sharing the same experiences. In July I went home for a wedding and it really hit me that most of the people I grew up with still hang out with the same people, still see them regularly, play with each others kids and party together. 

Making new friends for me is always hard because my friendship means great trust and a significant time commitment. I’m just always trying to be THAT friend you can’t live without. When you compound that with the chronic flaking of people even with the best intentions, the first year I spent here where I wasn’t allowed to organically make friends with anyone who wasn’t already vetted by my ex, the horrible job that left me depressed and with little time, and then the whole period of time where I was in the beginning stages of my current relationship and I just never saw anyone because I was too busy being in love. Here I am.  

I haven’t figured out how to devote time to the seedlings of friendships I have planted in LA and I’ve also not neglect all my long distance friendships. Where do I  find the time while simultaneously I work my ass off, work really hard to have a healthy relationship and find something in the world that’s for me? How do I do it all? 

There are people in LA who I am grateful for, and who I love very much…don’t get me wrong. I am not without a few people I can call if I get in a jam.  But I don’t get the type of friendship I really miss, Nobody here can tell when I’m unhappy without me having to say anything..I don’t get random txt messages telling me I am missed, nobody will let me put my feet on their couch and drink cheap wine and eat cheap frozen pizza when I need to or go to insanely loud clubs to drink too much and call me best friend. 

It’s really my fault. So many people that fill me up are just one phone call away that I don’t make. Just a skype date away that we never have. Just a txt I never return. 

It seems so easy to just try…and yet I spend so much time just being sad about it. 


3 thoughts on “Searching

  1. All relationships take a lot of work, IMHO. Specially friendships. I’ve been through the same thing, and it was only Facebook that I was able to connect with my folks from the Philippines, but I quit FB two years ago so I’m totally disconnected. I think as we get older and get to know ourselves better, it gets easier to build relationships. Find commonality with future bffs and shit. I think the turning point for me is after reading this piece by dean spade, and although it’s about polyamory, there’s a bit about friendships in there too. sixth paragraph >>


    • Ah.. Thank you for sharing the article. It was right on time. I’m gonna take a deep breath and step back from feeling sad about it for now. Like you said all relationships take a lot of work..I guess I should try to put it in before I let myself be swept up in a little cave of depression about it. It’s like being the new kid on the play ground again.

  2. Pingback: Black Girls are Magic | They Just Call Me Jess

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