I am here for polyamory!!
I am HERE for all of my beautiful friends and family that have chosen to open their hearts and raise families and build lives with more than one partner.
I am also in a serious and beautiful loving relationship with ONE woman and one woman only. And I love it that way.
I’ve been asked before how someone who is essentially a serial monogamous can be a firm believer in polyamory. Shouldn’t I be the fiercest advocate for monogamy? Shouldn’t I lead the chorus for “That will never work!” and “I couldn’t do that!”? Instead I’m preaching the word of “Go get you as much love as you need!!”
Well I’m here to tell you.. MONOGAMY is fucking HARD! One person can’t be EVERYTHING you need all the time. You have to figure out how to be everything you can be for them and then the two of you have to figure out how you fill in the gaps for yourself. I choose not to find the other things I need, like a listening ear or someone to talk sense into me or people who let me be crazy and say crazy shit or help me run away from reality, in lovers..I just find them in friends 🙂 (which is why friends are so important to me)
I date one person at a time and have relationships with one person at a time because I know myself very very well. I just know MY limitations. A lot of the strictly monogamous people I know say they can’t get down or that being poly will never work because they are possessive. But for me it really doesn’t have anything to do with being possessive…I just like to be the center of attention.
I’ll admit I’m selfish. I’ve never been in a situation where the person I was talking to was talking to others that I didn’t feel like I was being neglected. I’m needy. I cause drama when I am not tended to, when nobody is there to hold me or feed me or have sex with me. I’m admittedly high maintenance in the area of attention. And when I want it.. I want it. So the idea of having to schedule time with people and have times where I can’t have someone’s attention makes me feel loopy as hell. You mean I can’t call partner A to come spend the night with me because they are spending time with partner B…and partner C is busy/spending time with someone else/getting on my nerves? So nobody is tending to me? OH NO!!
And at the same time..I like my space. I can want to change plans and be by myself at a moments notice. That could probably throw a wrench in a well orchestrated situation, huh?
I also have the opposite issue in that I am selfless too. I tend to give an incredible amount of attention and time and spend $$$ on the people I love. (I’ve tried to show my love in different ways and it’s just not me..if I’m not giving you those three things..I don’t really love you..it’s one of the truest indicators for me) I could have 3 people that I need to send surprise flowers to, 3 people to take out on dates and 3 people to txt during the day? That sounds like a lot of work yo! I have a job and bills.
I give my poly family SO much love and props. I admire all of your abilities to be mature, to work out conflicts, to start from a place of love and to overcome all the naysayers. And double props to all of you who are truly challenging heteronormative behavior and who have partners across the spectrum of queer!